Play by James Söderman
Four women of different ages, the youngest in her teens and the oldest in her 80’s. Sitting in chairs on a naked stage. They should sit there as the audience walks into the performance space. They should acknowledge the audience but not interact verbally with them.
The performers should be smiling all through the performance. And always offer themselves to the audience, like a flight attendance. When not performing they stay in their persona, but sits down.
Girl in her teens:
Remember the summer we had together? Dancing under the trees. Special. We were so special.
We lay down in the shades of the trees. I felt you carressing my body. Looking into your eyes. Yearning for you to touch me. Special so very special.
I want to love you I heard you say when all I felt was love. When you opened your fly I understood. I heard your hastily breath while closin’ my eyes. Waitin’ for you to force yourself into me. I held your hand in mine. Waitin’ for the feelin’ of pain to rip through my body. So very special.
I still remember the tears down my chins. Waiting for you to finish it off. Hoping it soon would end. Feeling the pain of you thrusting into me. Thinking how I would say good-bye. And walk away. Your hands fiddled over my exposed breasts. Your nails made deep traces in my virgin skin. Your other hand was busy holding me down. I felt the ground under me with its life. All I wanted was to forget. To rest for a while. But your pole impaled my soar body and I could not think about anything else. You thought it was love. Special. So very special!
Forcing down your juices tho they felt like clogging up my whole system. Fretting wot it mite have been if I didn’t do as you tole me. Putting the lipstick on once again to cover up what we had dun. Trying to put on the dress that you so hastily had torn of my body. Slipping on my shoes tho the ground was still so present on my feet. The only thing you had to do was to button up your jeans. So very special.
When I came home that night. I undressed. First the shoes. Then the shirt. Then the bra. Then the torn dress. My tainted panties. I released my hair under the hot shower. Lettin all the dirt still coverin my body in thin layers slowly disappear down the drain. Dirty brown water over my mother’s polished white floor. Feeling the pulsation of my heart spread through my body. The tears started to fall down my cheeks. I wash my cunny as fast as I can, ashamed of the pain I am feeling. I should feel good. I should have a smile on my face. But all I feel is disgust.
The following day I woke up early. Too early. I could still feel the tenderness between my legs and I wondered if it ever would go away or if it would feel like this now. I slowly took on my clothes and with shaking legs persisted down the hall to the toilet. I quitely started to hum a song that my mother taught me as a little girl. There was a girl. A very special girl. All in white. All in pain. I sat down on the toilet. Tears running down my chin. Special. So very special.
I still remember the look in my mother’s eyes when she saw me that morning. She looked so relieved that I was back, but she also looked so worried. Her arms around my shoulders. The tears making a sea on her prestine floor. Special. So very special.
Teen exits stage.
Woman in her 30’s:
I had a thought. Watching. Willing. Lusting. I had another thought. Waiting. Looking. Hammering on the telephone. Lifting it up. Yes still a signal. Putting it carefully down on the hook. No sound. Waiting. Listening. Forcing down another glass of red wine. Wanting. Still no sound. Waiting.
I had another thought. I never wanted to leave my home. But I eventually did. I travelled far and long to find wot I was looking for. I travelled to the mid Indies to the end of the road. To Sahara. To the Death Sea. But you were nowhere to be found.
I had another thought. When I came home I was numb. I had travelled too far. Had seen too much. I had made love all over the world, but all I felt was dirty and used. People from all over the world had seen my private parts. They were dragged out, exposed. While all I wanted was to find you.
I had another thought. I found you. Or I think I found you. But how could I know that you were real? How could I know that you would not mislead me yet again? Trying to remember the things you once tole me and I knew you were there for me. The doors in the nite closing was just dreams. The only thing I wanted was to feel you close. And I did. In the end I did. But was it enough? Were you enough? Could you finally understand wot I was waiting for? The thing I travelled all over the world to find; the only thing that ever mattered to me. Believing was so easy, but trusting you I knew always was going to be hard. But in the end I guess I did. I believed you. And in the end I trusted you. Whilst looking sad I was always happy. I was ecstatic. I had found the man of my dreams. And I was never ever gonna let go. I ignored my failing libido. I ignored the feeling of despair. I ignored wot I once took for real. My body? It must be wrong. I love him.
I had another thought. One night. It was the end of the thirteenth year together. I woke up. You weren’t there. Again. It had happen many times before. I sat up in the bed and looked around. Your jacket was gone. I went up looking through the window. It was a very nice night. The winter had just arrived and snow was slowly falling down in the night. I sat up for hours, but you didn’t come back. In the end I must have fallen asleep. It happened more and more. Sometimes I would ask you where you went at night but the only respond I got was silence. Two years went by. I still had some friends, but the most of them had started to disappear. They had their own lives. Their own problems. No time for me. The less friends I had the closer to you I tried to get. I would hold your body tight at night pretending to sleep, only to feel you slip away some hours later. Sometimes I would pretend to wake up startled, but all you did was to tell me to go back to bed. And in the end I did.
Woman in her 30’s exits.
Woman in her 50’s:
I dun remember my mother. She died the same day I came out. I dun remember my father. He died the same day I came out. I dun remember my daughter. I dun remember my son. They were never born. I dun remember my husband. He was never wed. And I dun remember my wedding. It never happened. I came out and that was the end of that!
I dun remember the house I should have lived in, and the car we should have owned. I dun remember the 1 and third child I should have bore. I came out and that was the end of that. I dun remember the birth of my first child. I dun remember the nites I had to stay up trying to calm her restless cries. I dun remember the first time she was sick, and I rushed her to the hospital only to be send back home. I dun remember how it was when she took her first step. Because it never happen. I never had a child. I was refused the commodity of childbearing. I was dirty. Not good enough. I wanted the husband, the car, the house, and the life. But I had no other choice. You might forget who I am. Why I never wanted to tell the truth.
I felt the love pulsating through my body. I had found her. She was so beautiful. More than any man could ever be. I did not have to face the night alone anymore. No more sounds of doors closing. I did not have force my body to like the predicaments I put it through just to get only moments of tenderness. But then I also had to reject everything I once took for real. Those things that once made life bearable. Worth living. I dun remember the world as it looked before I met her. But I dun think I wanna remember. I wanna forget everything that ever happened to me. The closer to her I get the less I feel of him. And I dun regret anything. Not any of the lies I had to live through to get with her. Not the tears I spilled after the nites together with males I once tried to please.
I feel so close to her. My arms around her shoulders. Her lips exploring my depths. Small talks long into the nite after only moments of separation. I am in love. Yes IN LOVE. I never thought I would feel like this again.
Woman in her 50’s exits stage.
Woman In Her 70’s:
How dare you come back after all you have dun to me? I needed u! Remember? I needed u! And you werent there for me. I told you the secrets of my life. And you couldn’t face me. You disappeared and refused to talk to me when I needed you the most. I never believed you when you said you were going to return to me. How could I? Dun tell me you dun know what I am talking about. I saw you. There. With her. So you thought I was special? Well dammit! I am special.
So you want me back now? Why should I take you back? Why should I go through the humiliation of hearing the door close late at nite when you go and meet one of ur whores? I never wanted this you know! I wanted someone to love. Someone who would care for me. Someone who wouldn’t care how I looked in the morning after a night of lewdness.
Yes I know. I am being silly. Unreasonable. I should just be a bitch there for your pleasures.
Oh stop cryin’! I am tired of hearing your squeals. Good heavens! I gave you twenty years of my life. All I could be for you was a lover. A misstress. Nothing more. What are you talking about? You wouldnt let me be more. Wot more do you want from me? I shan’t be your mother. My love’s not unconditional.
And you cannot barge in here and think I would take you back after all these years. I have her now. You mean nothing to me. Yes, I am like that! Didnt you understand? Didn’t you feel the disgust I felt the first time you took me? When I caressed her hand on the park bench? When I kissed her in front of you? When I finally said I love you? Yes, honey! I love it when she touches me! I love the way she taste in the morning after a nite of lovemaking. When she caresses my thighs and makes me feel alive. Yes, I love it! Why shouldn’t I? Why shouldn’t I like it? Her lips are so lush and lovely. Her body is so wonderful. Her soul speaks to me in every way.
You call me dirty? Well maybe I am. But I am happy!
What do I want? I want you to whisper in pain: I love you. One thing is for sure, I never wanted your smile. Go away. Now!
A few moments where woman in her 70’s stands alone on stage.
The stage falls into darkness. A lone spotlight is moving over the stage. The women are back in their original position.
The End